Bill and Betty sent this one!

If I were President George W. Bush's Speech Writer...

By Mitchell R. Robb

Good evening my fellow Americans.

First, I want to pass on my condolences to the people of New York and all Americans that are hurting in this tragic time. You can rest assured that anything and everything that can be done to assure the safety of our country will be done. This is the greatest country in the world and we will get through this trying time. Now is the time for all people to set aside our petty differences and show the world that no one or nothing can destroy the fortitude of the American people.

To the people responsible for today's tragedy, I say this: Are you kidding me? Are the turbans on your heads wrapped too tightly?

Have you gone too long without a bath?

Do you not know who you are screwing with? Americans are so hungry to kill that we shoot at  each other every day. We relish the opportunity for new targets for our aggression.

Have you forgotten history? What happened to the last people that started screwing around with us? Remember the little yellow bastards over in Japan?

We slapped them all over the Pacific and roasted about 2 million of them in their own back yard. 

That's what we in America call a "big ass barbecue".

Ever seen Texas on a map? Ever wonder why it's so big? Because we wanted it that way! Mexico started jacking around with the Alamo and now they cut our lawns and trim our bushes. England? We sent the redcoats packing.

Ask your buddy Saddam about screwing with the good 'ole USA. The only reason he got away with it the first time is because it's too hard to shoot someone when you're doubled over laughing at them. Our soldiers aren't trained to laugh and shoot at the same time. Now he couldn't stop a pack of cub scouts from taking over his stinkin' little country.

Trust us, Afghanistan will end up a giant kitty litter box. Go ahead and try to hide, Bin Laden. There's not a hole deep enough or a mountain high enough that's going to keep your camel-riding asses safe. We will bomb every inch of any country that harbors him, his camps and any place that looks and even smells like he was there.

Hell, we might even drop a few bombs on people that have pissed us off in the past. 

This is America. We kick ass. This is what we do. Go ahead and laugh now, but Uncle Sam is coming and we will smoke your sorry asses.

God bless America!

Dear Taliban, Mr. bin Laden, Mr. Arafat, and Mr. Hussein, et al: 

We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old fashioned game of Whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule that there are no rules, we look forward to playing without them for the first time. Since this game is winner- take-all, we unfortunately will be unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY. 

While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is, however, now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your diamond now... Batter up! 

Our team line up is as follows: 

C0-Owners: The FATHER, SON, and HOLY GHOST 

Manager - George W. Bush
Asst. Manager - Dick Cheney
Head Coach - Colin Powell
Asst' Coach - Donald Rumsfeld
Starting Pitcher - Norman Schwartzkoff
1st Base - U.S. Marine Corps
2nd Base - U.S. Navy
3rd Base - U.S. Air Force
Shortstop and Clean up hitter - U.S. Army
Outfield - Firemen and Policemen
Umpire - None required *
* remember - the manager told you there'll be no discussion; no negotiation; and you didn't want rules, anyway! 

Pinch hitters as needed -
U.S. Navy Seals
U.S. Army Green Berets
U.S. Army Rangers
U.S. Air Force PJs
Delta Force

And, since there are no rules, we've decided to add:
4th Base - United Kingdom
5th Base - Russia
6th Base - China
Other Bases (as desired) - Pakistan, Japan, Germany. France, Spain, Italy, Israel, Saudi Arabia, Eqypt, Turkistan and lots of other....Stans, and more. 

Opening ceremonies:
Vocal 1: Celine Dion - The Star Spangled Banner
Vocal 2 : Lee Greenwood - God Bless The U.S.A
Vocal 3: Bruce Springsteen - Born In The U.S.A.
Vocal 4: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir - Battle Hymn of the Republic

You may choose whoever you want for your team... it won't really matter (even if you all shave), our guys are gonna win! 

Sincerely, 

On behalf of the 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America 

p.s. May we recommend at this time that you give your soul to Allah; because your butt is OURS!!!!! Goodbye literally. 

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A special "Thank You" to Wolf Hearted of Jazzl Tubes for sharing many of these graphics!

Thank you to all who have sent graphics to share with us.  If yours is on this page - and I don't have it linked to you or listed as being from you - please let me know!

SHALOM FROM SPIKE & JAMIE

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